What Childhood Taught Me

I decided that today was the last day I would pull into the driveway and see a flowerbed full of weeds. I've told myself for the entirety of the summer that I will go buy some flowers and soil to fill the empty beds. Today was the day, and nobody could tell me otherwise.

I went to babysit my 7-year-old, who I will be babysitting for two more weeks, and tried to dress her and shoo her immediately into the car. We had a blowout because I wouldn't tell her the secret adventure we would be going on. In the car, she said, "Okay, but if it's a boy store, I'm not going in." Lowe's isn't a store just for boys, but we still had a lot of pouting and griping before getting out of the car.

I let her pick out flowers for my garden. Of course, she had a taste for the expensive ones. I mostly curbed it with, "Those are pretty purple ones, but I think I like these purple ones on the bottom, better." With one exception. I fell in love with the orange Asiatic Lilies. I knew they had to be in my house.



Claire was a real trooper for such a young tyke. It's hard to judge how she'll deal with some situations, but she was all for rescuing worms from my dirt pile and digging holes. She may have ended up with more dirt on herself than in the flower bed, but at least she had fun.


Sometimes she'd throw the dirt into the holes, sometimes she'd throw it on the sidewalk, sometime she'd throw it on me. I've been waiting for it to dry out a bit so I can go sweep the steps.

After a full morning of work, I have 4 types of annuals in my garden. One large yellow, one large purple, two small reds, and two small purples. I can't remember the exact types, but at least 3 of them had tags that said, "Attracts butterflies." I've already seen a few hanging around out there.


If there is one thing I will never understand about Claire, it's how she can pick up twenty worms, talk soothingly to them, play in the dirt all day, and still scream about a harmless daddy long legs on the curtain. I'm not sure why, but she made me take a picture of this fella, who only had 5 legs.

Cruel Humor

I believe in Karma, but in a much more logical sense. I do good to those around me, and they are more willing to do good for me. Much of the time, the relationship is direct; I cook for the boys and they take me bowling. Sometimes, it is a much more roundabout and obscure way.

I worry about money. A lot. I like to think to myself, "Everyone has money problems." I worry about not being able to find a full time job and not having enough work so I can earn a living. People know my problems, and I have people around who can help by throwing in an extra meal or mowing the grass once in a while.

But today I was thrown for a big loop in the eternal mechanization of good deeds and rewards. My supervisor, Tom has three girls, the youngest being 7 years old. He and his wife both work at the University and have a babysitter to take care of his little girl during the day. His babysitter requested a large chunk of time off, about 3 weeks.

Tom has picked his daughter up from school several times and had to bring her to work for a few hours because there weren't any other options. His daughter takes to Wiki almost immediately, because he's always nice to her without treating her like a toddler and because he is always there and has been for years. Occasionally, his daughter will tire of Wiki and come hang out with me. She spent most of the last crew picnic playing games with me.

I'm glad that Tom knows the kind of person I am and what character I hold to allow me into his home and influencing his children. I'm especially grateful for the opportunity to work and earn a little more spending money for the end of the summer. But does Karma have to be so cruel as to send a 3rd job to help make ends meet? What about 1 full time job, for a change, Karma?

Angry At The Boys

I had to walk two miles this afternoon in the heat of summer to pick up Jacob's bicycle from the roommate he had over a year ago. There wasn't anyone around to give me a ride there, and especially no one with a vehicle big enough to throw the bicycle in and just drive it home. His old roommate had a specific time frame, so I cut my sleep short to meet up with him. It's an uphill ride almost the entire way.

All this came after spending the week moving James's and Jacob's "valuable items" out of their old apartment and into my garage until their new lease starts. This was in addition to working two jobs all week. It's now Sunday evening, and I am exhausted.

Those boys owe me big.

I'm Sorry, but I'm Dumping You

I am angry this morning. I have spent the last three years in a wonderful relationship, and it has fallen apart in the last two months. I've laughed, I've cried, shared all my personal secrets, spent the entire time inseparably together. But today, I've come to realize that it is over. There is nothing left to do but throw it out the window and start fresh. I'm depressed, but hopefully something better will come along this weekend.



I am, of course, talking about my old Motorola Krazor cell phone. I've had it for three years now, and it has been very reliable. Can you guess how many times I've dropped it or crushed it? The numbers are nearly all worn through on the keypad and I'm missing two buttons on the top.

Lately, the phone has been disagreeing with the battery. It started out with the diminished capacity to hold a charge, then the charge times grew longer and longer. Yesterday, I took the plug out and sent a grand total of three text messages to James before the "low battery" signal came on. This week, it has decided to randomly stop recognizing that there is a battery in the phone at all. The phone will suddenly quit, die, disconnect, stop charging, not begin charging in the first place. It's getting frustrating. This morning, a new element was added to this downward spiral of anger and hate. Freezing. Every thing is perfectly fine, a text message comes in, I click to open it, and BAM, I'm not doing anything. I'm waiting until the phone decides to start working again, because it won't even let me shut it down in this state.

When I get paid on Friday, I'll go down to Verizon and see what I can get. I don't have anything in mind, and will probably get the cheapest one that is on sale. I will miss my old phone.

Legal Love Versus Free Love

Coming from Utah and being raised in a very big, very Mormon family, I put up with a lot of crazy questions and arguments about the validity of my family's religious beliefs. I'm at a point in my life and in my relationship where marriage is becoming a big deal. All the friends I grew up with are engaged or married and starting families of their own, but all the friends I have made here on the east coast think I should have another 5-1o years to wait before even considering such a big step.

One person in particular is adamantly opposed to the idea of James and I starting a life so soon. She like to tell me how brainwashed I've been by the evil Mormons, and states the same facts of "such-and-and such a factor makes you more likely to get a divorce." My offending factors; wanting to marry young, wanting to have children within 5 years of marrying, knowing my future spouse for less than 5 years, among others. I take what she says with a grain of salt because of some of her offending factors; living with a man before marriage, wanting a childless marriage, she doesn't smile for photographs, among other factors.

Our discussions of religion and/or marriage always come back to the early Mormon practice of polygamy. I read a blog post from a crazy woman condemning the polygamists of the Eldorado, Texas compound when Child Protection took more than 400 children out of their homes back in 2008. What she failed to acknowledge was the fact that every single child taken from the compound was returned to his or her parents because there wasn't anything illegal about the compound. The children were well fed, educated within U.S. laws, given adequate space to live and grow, and by all accounts were just as happy and healthy as any other middle class family in America.

This is less of a legal issue and more of a social or moral issue. The United States Government does not legally recognize the second or third marriage of a polygamist, only the first marriage. It isn't legal for a man to keep multiple families in a dwelling, so long as there aren't any cases of neglect or abuse stemming from inadequate space and/or resources. But here's where the moral issue come in. So many people are willing to berate a man who wants to care for and love multiple families while bearing the title of husband to both/all at the same time. However, those people can condone a man who leaves his first wife, with whom he took vows to honor and love for the rest of his life, to marry another woman, with whom he will share those same vows. The only difference is whether or not he chooses to uphold the original contract, and the winner is the man who defaults on his commitment.

It's unacceptable for a man to have 12 children by two wives, but perfectly fine if he wants nearly 20 children with one wife. But then again, it is okay for a man to have 12 children by two women so long as they aren't both his wife at the same time. And who decided that it is wrong for a man to take responsibility for multiple women he loves, but that he is justifies if he abandons one family in lieu of another?

Quite frankly, I wouldn't want to be a part of a polygamist marriage myself. Living with other women is awful, let alone having to share with them. James would not be well suited to multiple wives, either. He has enough trouble keeping me, alone, happy most of the time.

But I suppose with the Eldorado, Texas compound, the issue lies in allegations of forced marriage and marriage to children. I know a girl who could shout and wave a banner for days protesting the marriage of a 16-year-old, but she will sit down and watch a two day marathon of the MTV series 16 And Pregnant without batting an eyelash. In her world, is it amoral to allow a 16 year old to reproduce within the confines of a marital union, but tolerable for that same 16 year old to bear an illegitimate child?

I just finished reading The Man Who Had Been King, a history of Napoleon Bonaparte's oldest brother, Joseph, throughout the imperial rule and his exile in America. Napoleon disagreed with the marriage of his youngest brother, Lucien, to a woman with absolutely no noble blood and attempted to have the marriage annulled by decree of the Pope. Lucien fled to Rome with his wife to protect his marriage, saying that is was ordained of God and could not be broken. Lucien stayed faithful to his wife for his entire life, but was disowned by his family for his choice in marriage. However, Joseph married a noble woman of Napoleon's choosing and had two children with her. He also had at least 6 other children by 4 other women, including an American 2 years younger than his oldest daughter. The family still loved and accepted Joseph.

If I keep going, I will end up with a book ranting about the discrepancies between legal, moral, and everlasting marriages. I'm starting a new blog which I will dedicate solely to my quest to find a happy marriage that will last long after I am dead. http://www.marriagequest1397.blogspot.com

I'd like to invite everyone to share ideas for posts. I have a lot, and I'm sure I can get a lot more as I go, but I've not experienced a loving marriage as of yet and will need help from those who have/are.